A Haunting

 

When I am dead, I will come back as a ghost

to play pranks on the living.

I will wear a small dress and high leggings,

or skinny jeans and a tube top,

and run around McDonald's saying,

"Their food is contaminated! You all have AIDS now!"

I will live in a cardboard box on the side of the highway

chucking hamburgers at passing cars.

My friends will push me at Mach speed

in a cart from Wal-Mart while I shout,

"The Martians! Run! Run for your puny mortal lives!"

I will break all existing, non-broken vending machines

and eat the candy inside and because

I am a ghost, I will not get fat.

I will create a bonfire in the middle of the school

and advise people to roast s'mores, then pull the fire alarm.

For Halloween, I will dress up as a ghost

with a white blanket draped over my body.

When I whisper, "I see ghosts. They're coming to get you;"

people will laugh, then scream in terror as they pull of the blanket

and realize there is nothing underneath.

 

You can do this, too. You can put on a rainbow afro and disco clothes

and start strutting around funkily in the middle of the road.

You can push all of the buttons on an elevator

in a building that has one-hundred floors.

You can randomly moon people in the street

with a sign taped to your bottom that says,

"Kiss it!"

 

But for now, we have to be good.

We have to be heroes for all younger than us.

We have to hold doors open for other people,

and say "Thank you," when we receive a present

even though we don't really like it.

 

This is just a warning for all you people reading this

that when I die, you should all be sad and scared.

Because I might haunt you, too.

 

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