Sentence Structure
Ch: choppy sentences. Par: parallelism. Fl: flabby sentences. Sim: simplify sentences. Var: sentence patterns. Inter: awkward interruptions. Comp: comparisons.
Ch: choppy sentences. Avoid writing a series of simple (subject-verb) sentences. Choppy sentences make an essay or story sound like an elementary school textbook:
A boy on the playground bumped into me. I pushed him back. He did not do anything. Then I pushed him again. He started to cry. I was surprised.
For the correction, see the next section (flabby sentences).
Fl: flabby sentences. Avoid loosely stringing sentences together, especially with and and so. Flabby sentences sound like an aimless gush of thoughts. Note the vague connectives:
FLABBY: There was a boy playing on the playground and he bumped into me, so I pushed him back, but when I did, he did not do anything, and then he started to cry when I pushed him again, which was not what I expected.
IMPROVED: What started as an everyday playground pushing match had a surprising outcome. When a boy bumped me, my payback shove did not produce the macho reaction I expected. He cried instead.
In the flabby version the most important idea (he started to cry) is lost in the middle of the string of clauses. The improved version builds up to the main idea and clearly indicates the logical connections. No longer flabby, it is lean, with clearly defined muscles and sinews.
Refer to the Glossary (Part Three) under and and so for more information.
Grammar Tip: Simple sentences rely on coordination to link ideas. Coordinating conjunctions like and and but make the ideas they join equal in importance.
Complex sentences use subordination; they show the logical relation between ideas, and they control where emphsasis falls. They use subordinating conjunctions (for example, although, because, whether, until), relative clauses (using who, whom, whose, that, and which), participial phrases, and constructions.
Sim: simplify sentences that are too complicated. Usually the solution is to sort out the ideas and make the sentence shorter and simpler:
WORDY: She is like a bird living in a cage and not able to survive without the cage.
CLEAR: She is like a bird unable to survive outside its protective cage.
Sometimes, however, a sentence needs to be divided into separate sentences. Even a reader familiar with the plot of The Scarlet Letter will have a hard time following this sentence:
OVERSUBORDINATED: The mistake that Hester makes that causes the most trouble later when her husband is pretending to be the minister's friend when he is really trying to torture him is agreeing to keep her husband's identity a secret.
CLEAR: Hester makes a bad mistake when she agrees to keep her husband's identity a secret. Her error causes trouble later, when he pretends to be the minister's friend only in order to torture him.
Avoid writing consecutive when or because clauses. Make it clear what causes what:
AWKWARD: She was scolded because she hit her brother because he stole her bike.
Avoid a string of prepositional phrases:
AWKWARD: I sat in the middle of the group of people in the shade under the tree.
Var: vary sentence patterns. Repetitious sentence patterns quickly become monotonous. The most common pattern is a series of simple subject + verb sentences:
MONOTONOUS: Atticus Finch is a lawyer. He lives in a small Alabama town called Maycomb. He has two children. He raises them alone because he is a widower. He is an honest man, but he lives among poor, prejudiced people. He faces trouble when he defends a black man in a trial.
BETTER: Atticus Finch is a widower who raises his two children alone. Poverty and prejudice govern Maycomb, the small Alabama town where he practices law. When a black man goes on trial, many of the townspeople resent Atticus for defending him.
Good writers mix sentences: long and short, complex and simple. Whenever you finish a draft, scan the sentences to see if your sentence patterns are varied.
Inter: avoid awkward interruptions. A way to vary structure is to put a clause or phrase between the subject and predicate. The pattern can sound artificial, especially if the interruption is long. The sentence below would sound better with the after clause at the beginning or the end:
AWKWARD: The weather, after the ship left the port and entered the sea, turned bad.
Par: parallelism. Phrases that are parallel in meaning must be parallel in structure:
FAULTY: I like to surf, bodyboarding and swimming.
PARALLEL: I like surfing, bodyboarding and swimming.
1. Do not shift from one series to another in mid-sentence:
FAULTY: His job is to tend the pigs, make sure they are well-fed and content.
PARALLEL: His job is to tend the pigs and make sure they are well-fed and content.
2. Avoid paralleling action verbs (talks, shuffles) with linking verbs (is):
FAULTY: He talks rapidly, shuffles his feet, and is nervous.
PARALLEL: He talks rapidly, shuffles his feet, and trembles with nerves.
3. Avoid using the phrase and how to create loose parallelism:
FAULTY: I admire her beautiful singing and how she dances gracefully.
PARALLEL: I admire her beautiful singing and graceful dancing.
4. Do not omit words needed for parallelism:
FAULTY: knowledge and faith in God PARALLEL: knowledge of and faith in God FAULTY: buy or sell from PARALLEL: buy from or sell to FAULTY: has or will go PARALLEL: has gone or will go 5. Sometimes one relative pronoun (that, who, whom, whose, which) is not enough:
FAULTY: It is a book which few people have read but has stirred controversy.
PARALLEL: It is a book which few people have read, but which has stirred controversy.
Grammar Tip: Most rules in this book tell you what to avoid. Parallelism is worth studying not only to avoid errors, but because it can add power and beauty to your writing. The English author Samuel Johnson used parallel structure creatively to give his ideas witty and memorable form:
He who praises everybody praises nobody.
Let me smile with the wise, and feed with the rich.
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure.
Comp: do not leave comparisons incomplete. Comparisons with than or as can cause errors:
WRONG: Your brain is larger than a dinosaur.
CLEAR BUT WORDY: Your brain is larger than the brain of a dinosaur.
CLEAR: Your brain is larger than that of a dinosaur.
CLEAR: Your brain is larger than a dinosaur's.
CLEAR: Human brains are larger than dinosaur brains.
Some comparisons need an extra as:
WRONG: My opponent was not only as tall but stronger than I.
RIGHT: My opponent was not only as tall as, but stronger than I.
Without a word like else or other, some comparisons are illogical:
WRONG: She is taller than anyone in the class.
RIGHT: She is taller than anyone else in the class.
WRONG: No resource is as vital as water.
RIGHT: No other resource is as vital as water.